In a relationship fueled with games, learning how to respond to the silent treatment coming your way will give you back your power. No longer is it about cooling down and trying to figure out a solution to the problem; it has now become a way to punish and control the other person. Responding to silent treatment in marriage with your own version could collapse the relationship foundations. A narcissist uses the silent treatment to abuse their victim. The silent treatment is one of the most common warning signs of relationship problems because it’s so easy for couples to fall into the habit of doing. How to Respond to the Silent Treatment. You actively choose not to respond to any comments, discussions, or accusations. The best response to the Narcissist Silent Treatment game is to move forward with your common sense leading the way. The primary characteristic of the silent treatment is not talking to the person. While it’s … They also want you to chase after them and beg them to take you back. Les Carter, Ph.D. It’s designed to infuriate you, create panic and worry, make you question everything you said before the episode happened. It may feel good to ignore your partner when you feel slighted but, it keeps you from finding real solutions to the problems that are bugging you the most. At worst, it is a weapon used by abusers to punish their victims. But if giving the silent treatment has become a habit for your partner, then you should refuse to become the victim. The narcissist is keenly … Dear Joseph, A couple of months ago, my father stopped answering phone calls and texts from my siblings and me. But the silent treatment isn’t fair, and it’s harmful to both parties. One sniff of blood in the form of any weak or emotional response to the silent treatment and the narcissist will go for the kill. It’s that simple. If your partner continues to give you the silent treatment time after time, help him work on redirecting the habit that has developed in his life. By Joseph Grenny. But whenever you've discovered that the problem is you, you must acknowledge their feelings and sincerely apologize in the hope of salvaging your relationship. Basically, you don't say anything, not even if the person tries to engage you in conversation. *Expand* SUBSCRIBE for weekly videos: https://bit.ly/2PRGHvI FOLLOW ME on Instagram: https://bit.ly/2zgbx70 SHOP AMAZON AND SUPPORT NancyTV! Take Time to Cool Off During a time of silence both partners should pause to reflect on what led up to the silent treatment episode Change the negative pattern. Be ready for connection when they choose to reconnect. Call them out on it instead of taking it quietly. Also referred to as giving the cold shoulder or stonewalling, its use is a passive-aggressive form of control and can, in many circumstances, be considered a form of emotional abuse. More than likely nothing of any significance. For example, instead of just going completely silent, the partner can say, ‘I need half an hour to myself. Wait until he begins speaking to you again, and then address the issue. How To Respond To The Silent Treatment? This may be a given, but there is a wide variety of overwhelming emotions that come with being ignored. How the Silent Treatment Sabotages You (And Your Relationships) Here are 5 ways the silent treatment is more damaging than you know: 1. If the person keeps engaging, simply tell him you are not willing to engage at this time. He doesn’t have voicemail. Except in the case of silent treatment manipulation. How can you cope with and respond to the silent treatment? This helps no one. Plus, the silent treatment works particularly well on sensitive, empathic people (who are often quite attractive to narcissists), because we are wired to respond to and attempt to soothe the emotions of the people around us, especially those we love. The selfish. If this is just the first time that your partner is giving you a silent treatment, be calm and kind instead of reacting negatively. But it’s important, in part, because you are trying to model for them how you want them to interact with you. There is no need to waste emotional energy fretting over their moods. It causes emotional trauma or stress. For the one giving the silent treatment, it’s like drinking rat poison and expecting the other person to die. How to Respond If the Silent Treatment Is Used to Punish or Control. Dealing with a silent spouse can elicit a lot of negative emotions, and it can be hard to treat them the way you want to be treated. Schneider, Cikanavicius, and Health Writer Ann Pietrangelo all share keys ways to respond to a situation where a person thinks they are controlling you with the silent treatment: Ignore it … The term “silent treatment,” chillingly, comes from 19th-century prison reform.Instead of physical punishment or grueling work, which was believed to do nothing to truly alter the character of the criminal, prisoners would no longer be allowed to speak to each other and rarely be spoken to. Don’t fall for their ‘horrible childhood’ or ‘family of origin wounding’ tales. Practice the Golden Rule in how you respond. The silent treatment could mean that your friend is sick of your hurtful behavior and it's very possible they no longer want to be friends. A narcissist will react to any perceived slight, real or imagined with any punishment that they deem fits your crime, the silent treatment being a favourite in their arsenal. 5. Make time for the both of you to cool off. If the silent treatment lasts beyond a short season, then it has gone over the line of a healthy response to a heated situation and into a very destructive and harmful form of emotional abuse. This is best if your partner is only using the silent treatment to … Do not retaliate. Opening Communication Stay calm. The silent treatment in a relationship is a form of emotional abuse. At best the silent treatment is an immature behavior used by spoiled brats and manipulative individuals. It is a passive-aggressive approach to manipulate you into giving them the Narcissistic Supply that they crave. Instead, appear (and truly feel, if possible) relaxed and positive. People who haven’t been taught to care effectively for others in a household will use the … The silent treatment is the refusal to engage in verbal communication with someone, often as a response to conflict in a relationship. The silent treatment (also known as withholding) is used to punish and regain control of a person. To one partner, the silent treatment is their way of dealing with an argument, but to the other, it’s a sign of shutting down. The silent treatment is a favourite tool of the narcissist. If they continue to give you ‘the silent treatment,’ you have no choice then to give them the space they are creating. When responding to the silent treatment, there are certain things that you should avoid which include the following: Never beg or plead. Understand What the Silent Treatment Is. This is one of … It just escalates things. However, a temporary step off to allow your partner to cool down is usually the best solution. It is tempting to respond to silent treatment with the silent treatment of your own. We’ve reached out to his wife who says she doesn’t want to get in the middle of it. When having to deal with the silent treatment, it can be a very draining and painful experience.It’s manipulative behaviour and a very unhealthy form of communication. We all have an inherent need to belong. If the silent treatment is taken too far, it’s becomes emotional abuse. The silent treatment is not useful, and serves as a barrier to effective communication. I’ve been on both sides of the silent treatment. Let’s check in then.’ Through their silence, they are trying to make you feel uncomfortable. If you were a victim of the silent treatment, don’t jump into … The previous example with the narcissist illustrates that whoever is giving you the silent treatment wants to cause you emotional pain. Voice your feelings and thoughts: Make sure that your partner knows that the way they are behaving is making you feel uncomfortable, afraid, and vulnerable. But it will only set a toxic a ‘who blinks first’ game in motion. Your first reaction may be frustration, anger, or upset. It might stop the silent treatment for the time being but it will most definitely come up again. He hasn’t been home when we’ve attempted to visit him. Treat silence with silence. In this video, I go into why narcissists use the silent treatment and how to respond to it. And if the narcissist cannot respond with common sense, keep moving. “Talk about creating a time frame for the silent treatment to give the partner who’s choosing not to speak the space he or she needs to process their own emotions without hurting the other person. 1. Sadly, the silent treatment often works as intended because it’s so unbearable, and people will do anything to make it stop. Set a toxic a ‘ who blinks first ’ game in motion can say, i... You again, and then address the issue to you again, then. Call them out on it instead of taking it quietly down is usually the best response the..., ‘ i need half an hour to myself you into giving them the Supply. To visit him down is usually the best solution she doesn ’ t want to in. Of taking it quietly FOLLOW me on Instagram: https: //bit.ly/2zgbx70 SHOP AMAZON and NancyTV. 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